How do I move forward?

I know I started this blog as a way of beginning a new me after the new year, but the truth is I haven't spent a lot of time analyzing how I'm going to do that. I've waited on change to happen, instead of changing myself from the inside. Inertia still rules my life.

I'm gong to admit something here that I haven't really admitted to a lot of people. When my ex-fiance moved out a year and a half ago, I didn't change anything. It took me months to rearrange the furniture, months to get rid of the pillow with his smell, and even longer to just get rid of the little things that remind me of him. I still find things of his that make me want to sink down to the floor and cry. I joined a breakup site soon after we broke up and it basically made me feel normal for all this. Some people take  years to get over a breakup so my matter of months didn't seem that harmful. The bad part of it that part of me still hasn't moved on enough to stop rebelling against him. He wanted me to be fit so I lay on the couch in rebellion now. He hated for me to eat fast food so the McDonald's next door knows me by name now. The sad thing is that I realize I'm not hurting anyone but myself. He was an asshole who I had the misfortune to fall in love with. Well, so what? There are assholes out there, and its time to put this one behind me. I can say that all that I want to, and I have. I just don't know how to move forward.

Its time to at least try to strive for the life I want. Since this a blog to get me up and moving onto my new life, I'll set out my goals here. My first goal is so ordinary and common that I feel a little embarrassed stating it. Hardly anyone actually accomplishes this goal. I want to lose weight, not for the bum who used to spend my money, but for me. I want to begin running even though I suck at it. I'll start by running in the mornings no matter how lazy I want to be and see what I can accomplish. I've done a few 5ks and I would like to do more. My goal is to eventually run at least a half marathon. Okay, maybe it is like seemingly trying to get back at my ex since this was his sport but hey, I've gotta try something.

Next, I really need to keep my house clean. I know this sounds kind of stupid and like a nah duh thing, but one of the things that most people don't know about me is that when I am really embarassed I let my house become a disaster area. Its not quite up to the standards of that show about hoarders (which always makes me feel better by the way) but its not great. Fast food wrappers and cartons usually litter my countertops. I have a hard time focusing on cleanness when I want to wallow in my miserty.

Lastly, I want to do what I have already stated and get mysellf out of my comfortable box. Once upon a time, I was good at this. I traveled to Europe by myself, I went skydiving, and I took risks. I haven't really taken many risks lately, but maybe its time to. Maybe its time to flirt with a stranger or take on a new activity. This is one area I am still thinking on. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

I'm sitting on the couch while I write this. Maybe the first step to a new life is to move from here. Go to a coffee house to write? Smile at the cute barrista? I will keep you updated.

The Waving Girl

Yet another woman in Savannah waiting on a man