Okay, so that title is a little new age, but I'm trying to be a better me so it fits. So, I started this at the beginning of the new year and how are things going so far? I would say fair to medium.
Number one change: losing weight. I'm trying but it's a lot tougher than most "skinny"people think. I started bootcamp yesterday, and believe me I am soooo sore. I feel like I've been run over by a mack truck. My ex would tell me to get out and exercise more and that will get rid of the soreness, but thank goodness he isn't here anymore. I'm trying to do better on the diet front and I've done a bit better this week. I just have portion control issues. I've been known to eat a whole pizza in one sitting. Trying to do a little (well, a lot) better than that.
Number two change: dating. That one is a bit harder. Over 30 men are not exactly knocking on my door. The matchmaker set me up with one other guy, and we had a 2 minute conversation over the phone. He said he would call me back and then never did, so we are 0 for 2 on that front. I'm taking this latest rejection with a grain of salt. He didn't know me so in the end he wasn't really rejecting me. I'm still on eHarmony and the guys there are a bit better. Unfortunately, my pics on there are a bit old, so I'm afraid I'll be accused of false advertising once they meet me. Hence, the trying to lose weight before I actually meet any of them.
Number 3: my attitude. Things are good on the attitude front. I feel pretty good about myself and my future. Whether Mr. Right is out there or not really doesn't matter as long as I'm happy. Even though I know that, there are still days where I get aggravated and just wish he would show up already. But as long as I'm happy day to day and I understand that I'm a good person single or not, I think I'll be okay. My goals are to save money and get a new house (with a yard) where I can raise whatever children come along (regardless of the man or not). This is all within my 5 year plan. I know that sounds a little stuffy, but having a plan helps me to not panic about the future.
Well, that's my update...Only 9 months and some change left for the year so I'll continue to work hard for a new me!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Valentine's Day for Singles
I once heard Valentine's day called "Desperation Day"for single women. That made me laugh at the time, but today its kind of ironic. This is the first time in 5 years that I haven't had a Valentine, unless you count my dog (which I do). I have always been the kind of girl who makes a big deal of the day with her partner, makes him take her dinner, gets him something nice, that kind of thing. This year, I'm sitting at home backing cookies and watching old romantic comedies.
The funny thing is that, yes, I felt a twinge of envy when I saw guys picking out flowers for their girlfriends at Kroger today, but I didn't feel much more. I didn't miss my ex at all. I felt almost a happy relief, that for once, I wouldn't have to pretend that I was with the right guy when deep down I knew I wasn't. Last year, Valentine's Day was complete misery for me and I was with someone. He took me to dinner that night and we spent the whole night bickering. .He kept throwing the fact that he had driven through the snow to be with me that weekend in my face. I kept wanting to scream at him, yep that really shows you love me, you asshole! Remember, the night you broke off our engagement and told me that I wasn't the one for you? Remember that night, buddy? That night you showed me exactly how much you loved me, didn't you? No matter how many times he did sweet things after that night, nothing felt quite real. I knew he was afraid of being alone, and that deep down he thought he was just settling by being with me. That's a horrible feeling to have, to feel like someone is just biding their time with you until something better comes alone. I was scared of being alone too, and that's why I stuck in there. Until, well, I couldn't anymore and I drove him crazy enough that we finally broke up. I have never been more grateful to be dumped in my life. Today, I thought of last year's Valentine's Day and breathed a little easier. Being alone, even on a holiday like this, is truly so much better than being with an asshole.
There are days when I am still sad to wake up alone. There are still nights when I sleep in the middle of my king-sized bed to erase the feeling of something 'missing'. There are always going to be those times. But there will be times, like today, when it isn't so bad and I realize how much I like my own company. Over the years, I somehow developed the notion that it was a bad thing to like myself too much. That if I didn't put others first, I was being selfish or self-centered. The truth is, it's okay to like who you are and be proud of it. It's okay to toot my own horn occasionally and feel good when I've accomplished something. It's okay to have a glass of wine in celebration of what I have and who I am. There is nothing wrong with spending my life being happy with me instead of spending time propping someone else up, and fluffing up their self esteem. I've always done that a lot. I make my boyfriends feel wonderful, while I feel like shit. I can't do that anymore. I want someone to pump up my ego for once.
Well, that's Valentine's Day for me...I'm happy to have the love that I have in my life, whether it be from friends and family, or maybe one day from one special person. Romantic love is not the only love out there, and sometimes it isn't even the most special. My cookies are done and that's my bit of wisdom for today :)
The funny thing is that, yes, I felt a twinge of envy when I saw guys picking out flowers for their girlfriends at Kroger today, but I didn't feel much more. I didn't miss my ex at all. I felt almost a happy relief, that for once, I wouldn't have to pretend that I was with the right guy when deep down I knew I wasn't. Last year, Valentine's Day was complete misery for me and I was with someone. He took me to dinner that night and we spent the whole night bickering. .He kept throwing the fact that he had driven through the snow to be with me that weekend in my face. I kept wanting to scream at him, yep that really shows you love me, you asshole! Remember, the night you broke off our engagement and told me that I wasn't the one for you? Remember that night, buddy? That night you showed me exactly how much you loved me, didn't you? No matter how many times he did sweet things after that night, nothing felt quite real. I knew he was afraid of being alone, and that deep down he thought he was just settling by being with me. That's a horrible feeling to have, to feel like someone is just biding their time with you until something better comes alone. I was scared of being alone too, and that's why I stuck in there. Until, well, I couldn't anymore and I drove him crazy enough that we finally broke up. I have never been more grateful to be dumped in my life. Today, I thought of last year's Valentine's Day and breathed a little easier. Being alone, even on a holiday like this, is truly so much better than being with an asshole.
There are days when I am still sad to wake up alone. There are still nights when I sleep in the middle of my king-sized bed to erase the feeling of something 'missing'. There are always going to be those times. But there will be times, like today, when it isn't so bad and I realize how much I like my own company. Over the years, I somehow developed the notion that it was a bad thing to like myself too much. That if I didn't put others first, I was being selfish or self-centered. The truth is, it's okay to like who you are and be proud of it. It's okay to toot my own horn occasionally and feel good when I've accomplished something. It's okay to have a glass of wine in celebration of what I have and who I am. There is nothing wrong with spending my life being happy with me instead of spending time propping someone else up, and fluffing up their self esteem. I've always done that a lot. I make my boyfriends feel wonderful, while I feel like shit. I can't do that anymore. I want someone to pump up my ego for once.
Well, that's Valentine's Day for me...I'm happy to have the love that I have in my life, whether it be from friends and family, or maybe one day from one special person. Romantic love is not the only love out there, and sometimes it isn't even the most special. My cookies are done and that's my bit of wisdom for today :)
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Are people just mean or is it me?
I work with the public everyday and lately the public is mean. Are we all just in bad moods because of the cold? Or is it just that I'm someone who attracts evil patrons? I honestly don't know, but lately that old motto of "treat others as you would like to be treated" doesn't seem to be followed by many anymore. I don't think people read the Bible much these days or want to apply that old adage anymore. I am so tired of being treated like a dog and then being expected to just take it.
When I went to Africa last year, I met so many people that were just happy to be alive and loved. They were poor and really had very little, but they were so happy. People didn't push or shove each other just to get ahead. They didn't step over each other just to save a dollar. In the US, its just called trying to stand up for yourself or trying to get ahead. When does it cross the line and just become people being mean? If you yell at me because you spend an extra dollar, am I not allowed to defend myself too? I'm tired of people always having an excuse for everything. People say, "I've had a bad day, so that's why I acted so vicious to her." Is that fair? Are we allowed to just excuse any type of behavior with "I've had a bad day"? I wasn't raised that it's okay to use that as an excuse, or to use any excuse for treating someone badly. Is the next generation being taught the same mentality? I really don't think so, and the sad thing is that it's my generation doing the teaching. We aren't treating each other with love and respect anymore, and children are watching this behavior. It really just scares me.
That is my soapbox for today. Sorry I haven't written in a while, but bitching on here sometimes seems a little self indulgent. I want so badly to be a good person and be kind to everyone, but lately my buttons are being pushed a lot.
When I went to Africa last year, I met so many people that were just happy to be alive and loved. They were poor and really had very little, but they were so happy. People didn't push or shove each other just to get ahead. They didn't step over each other just to save a dollar. In the US, its just called trying to stand up for yourself or trying to get ahead. When does it cross the line and just become people being mean? If you yell at me because you spend an extra dollar, am I not allowed to defend myself too? I'm tired of people always having an excuse for everything. People say, "I've had a bad day, so that's why I acted so vicious to her." Is that fair? Are we allowed to just excuse any type of behavior with "I've had a bad day"? I wasn't raised that it's okay to use that as an excuse, or to use any excuse for treating someone badly. Is the next generation being taught the same mentality? I really don't think so, and the sad thing is that it's my generation doing the teaching. We aren't treating each other with love and respect anymore, and children are watching this behavior. It really just scares me.
That is my soapbox for today. Sorry I haven't written in a while, but bitching on here sometimes seems a little self indulgent. I want so badly to be a good person and be kind to everyone, but lately my buttons are being pushed a lot.
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